Bargainworld Deluxe- In progress.

Bargainworld deluxe

1: “Oh, hey chap, what brings you here?”

2: “There are two things wrong with that statement. One: that I Am most certainly not your friend, and two: you know fully well why I am here.”

1: “Sure I do, sure I do… so, why again are you here?”

2: “Look, it’s not my cup of tea to deal with scum like you, even less so when they are crazed lunatics. So, can I get to the point?”

1: “No. You hurt my feelings.”

2: “And how did I manage that?”

1: “You are the lunatic. You’re the one talking to me.”

2: “really? If I was a crazed lunatic I’d  chop you into itty, bitty pieces, right here, RIGHT NOW. No, If anything, I am an intelligent lunatic. I keep you around because you still have use to me.”

1: “I guess we are the same then.”

2: “And how would that be?”

1: I am a stupid- oh wait, I mean intelligent lunatic as well. If I was crazed, I’d  have broken out already.”

2: “right, like you could get out.”

1:” Couldn’t I? I’ve done it before, as you well know. So then, do you want to keep bantering, or actually get to the point? Not that I am in a hurry.”

2: “Fine. Here’s the long and short of it: We need you to go on Kryznick’s race. We also need you to win it. Got all that? I can write it down for you.”.

1: “Aww, you need me to win your race for you. How special.”

2: “Oh, and we need you to keep a detailed log of what you do. For the politicians’ sake.

1: “Fine, fine. So, what’s in it for me?”

2: “Easy, if you fail, you will die.”

1: “Ok, so i’m the mule, and that’s the stick. Where’s the carrot?”

2: “The carrot is that you live. That’s all you deserve.”

1: “Ok chap, see you next time.”

“Alright. This here is audio log #1. I really hope this whole voice to text software works well. I’d hate to lose my artistic integrity, Oh good, it can sense sarcasm. That’ll be handy. So yeah, back to the boring business. I’m on my way to get a ship. Those lovely fellows of course couldn’t afford to give me a single cent. So, i’m on my way to my friend Jason’s shop. He’s a real pain to work with, but he’ll be about the only one I can go to. Which reminds me, I have no idea who is gonna be reading this. I assume the boss is a bit too busy for this. So, I’m guessing some cadet will get this handed to him. This sounding about right? Well, if i’m getting a greenie, maybe I can stop you from being another idiot in the government. I mean, just look at me. Your lousy government needs me, a naughty little criminal, to do it’s dirty work. Even worse, they don’t give me any money, so I got to steal just to do the stinking mission. Lovely government, ain’t it?”

“Log 2. Yo, I got my ship. ‘How?’ you ask. Well, I’ll tell you. I go up to Jason’s shop. I’m trying to buy a ship quietly, I tell him. He acts dumb. So, I ask again. Again, acting dumb. Then, I pull a gun on him. There we go, now he’s listening. He takes me to his smuggling bay. What, you thought Jason was clean? Why wouldn’t he be? Against the law, you say. Like the government enforces the law. See, greenies just can’t understand this. The government doesn’t care about what people do, so long as it holds use to them. If smuggling hurt the government, it would all be shut down in a day, I mean, it’s not like they don’t know where it happens. But hey, I’m just a bitter criminal. So anyway, Jason leads me to his smuggling bay. The only ship he’s got is a piece of junk. He calls it ‘insurance’.  So I pull my gun up to his head, and I thank him. ‘What, you didn’t just KILL him, did you?’ Of course not. I’m a nice guy. I play around a bit. Not that you’ll be able to find his body anytime soon. A lovely government indeed.”

“So, another day, another log. It’s gonna be hard to keep these things fresh. I’m currently flying over to the race. I’m not even going to try to pronounce that fools name. Since you are so hopefully a greenie, I shall explain the race to you, I mean, its not like you have a bunch of time to research between oppressing the people and making yourself rich, after all.  So yeah, the race. It’s funded by some rich maniac, who loves to see people squirm. The reason people even go? For the prize of course. Each year the race gets harder, and yet, the prize also grows. at first it was money. Now it is simply power. The government wants me to win so that it can get its hand on a brand spanking new weapon. You know, to help the people with, I’m sure. So, the race goes like this. All participants receive a list of items they must obtain, not unlike a scavenger hunt. However, unlike a scavenger hunt, many of this items must be obtained by completing trials on different planets. For example, say you need an extinct plant, whose only remains are in some weird plant museum on X planet 9 or whatever. So, you hightail it to the planet and attempt to steal said dead plant. except it’s guarded by a platoon of warships. Thus the trial. Oh, and say somebody else gets it first. Well, then you have to go track down whoever got it and either buy them so that they will be on your team, or kill them. However 100% completion of list is not needed. Usually you only need about 50% of the items on the list to succeed. Either way, most of the casualties come from the competitors themselves, not the trials. I have a lot to look forward to. Oh, and since I shall likely die, telling you my name probably won’t hurt. I am Khalva (Which is pronounced CALL-va, not CAFF-uh, You wouldn’t believe how many people get that wrong). However, on the off chance I live (which again, I wouldn’t bet on) please do me a favor and FORGET my name. It would be nice.”

“Wow, almost there. I’m trembling with excitement. Or is that terror? I forget. It has just occurred to me that you, mr. maybe-a-greenie might just be an offworlder. In fact, that is actually probably what you are. Since you would obviously know next to nothing about where I came from aside from completely inaccurate textbooks, I shall tell you about it. You are, of course familiar with the name it traditionally goes by, but I like to call it bargainworld. ‘That’s a stupid name’ you say. Stupid? perhaps. Fitting? most definitely. In bargainworld we are governed, well, by you people. And by that I mean filthy offworlders, not that we are any less filthy, I just don’t care for offworlders. You see, offworlders tend to try to force feed us their morals and their values. Well, they can stuff it, to be honest. You see, if there one way that good old bargainworld differs from your or any other world for that matter, is that there are not morals and there is only one value. That value is lovingly called cost-benefit analysis. Essentially, in whatever action you take the cost must be less than the benefit, or else you just don’t do it. You see? Isn’t that simple? But no, we need to be educated on morals and values. And look at all the good that’s done. The law is essentially useless. When it should be focusing on keeping trade fair, it is focused on these awful morals and values. I’m quite honestly sick of it. That’s why I’m a criminal. While I can’t say I’m any type of robin hood, because believe ME, I am a horrible person, I just cannot STAND the law. “

“Had to go and take the ship in for repairs. Told you it was junk. Anyway, I hope this doesn’t take too long, as I’d rather like to get to the race on time. ‘What? the criminal wants to be punctual’? Honestly, in this case, I think anybody in their right mind would want to be punctual. Coming, and more importantly, getting out early is essential, you know, for NOT DYING. Also, I rather have to win if I want to go back and shove everything into the boss’s face. I mean, I could always run away, but I think they know me too well. I can’t help but stay invested. I mean, this is the opportunity of a lifetime, in that it will END your lifetime. I became a criminal to keep things interesting, and I have to say, I’m pretty intrigued by this concept. More than anything, I want to see just what kind of whackos actually volunteer for this kind of thing.”

“Well, that was disappointing. We essentially just all stayed in our ships while we received some messages about race. So, apparently, we are all filmed during the race. That sounds pretty cool, I guess. Now I won’t have to do these audio logs nearly as frequently. It seems they can accomplish this whole “filmed at all times” thing by giving us all a bunch of little camera orbs. That’s probably gonna get REALLY annoying. Hilariously, when the race starts tomorrow, they will have a brief cease-fire while they send out the camera orbs. I guess they want to enjoy it all. The punishment for, say, blowing up your neighbour, is a complete ban from the race.You know it just hit me, there’s probably enough people with ships here to TAKE this guy’s prize away. I guess they don’t want to split the booty? I think they’d have a lot better chances of living that way. Eh, where’s the fun in that? Anyway, today I’ve been setting up a little surprise for tomorrow. I don’t think it will surprise the vets, but the beginners should be in for a bit of a shock. Really hope I don’t get banned for that.”

“Hey little stupid orb thingy.” Khalva calls out.

“ I guess since you’re here it means the race has started. Time to unwrap my present. Yo, orb look out the window for a sec.”

Various mechanical noises can be heard, the orb turns toward the window. Many ships can be seen. Instantly, a wave of light appears.

“So pretty, is not?”

All the ships appear to be unharmed, but none have any lights on. The light wave seems to have passed.

“That, my friends, is a power outage in a bottle. Time to bail!”

Khalva runs to the cockpit. Lightspeed is initiated.

“WHOO-HOO! That should piss em off! Ok, off to the first clue! Seems pretty vague, but I know that they’ll be passing through a nearby moon to recharge. All I got to do is wait there, and crush down on some fool to tell me where I need to go!”

The ship lands on the moon’s surface. The landscape is barren. Another ship lands. Appears to be prison ship, modified to run faster. It looks like it just barely made it one piece.

“This’ll be perfect!”

Khalva maneuvers the ship to point at the prison ship. The pilot goes into the space station.

Khalva fires at the ship, destroying it completely. He then gets out of the ship, aiming his blaster on the pilot.

“Ha! freeze, fool!”

The pilot turns around.

“BRRZT!” The pilot screeches “AM I THE FOOL?”

“What the- You’re a robot? YOU were piloting the ship?”

“Well, yes… after I removed the original pilot that is.”

“Wait… were you a prisoner?”

“You could say that. I am CZ 27. Is there a problem?”

“Well… do you know anything about the race?”

“What race?”

“Great. I killed the wrong guy.”

“Oh, he was already dead. They all were. See, my mission is to kill all living sentient things.”

“That’s nice. So, then…. Hmm… I GOT IT!”

“What is it flesh bag?

“You join me.”

“No stinking way, flesh bag! If you don’t beat it, I’ll dissect your pitiful flesh off of your pitiful bones!”

“Think about it, you’re stuck here. At the most, you can only kill the people in that station. If you join me, you will have the opportunity to kill far more people.”

“You…. are correct, flesh bag. But why would you help me kill people?”

“Easy, see all those ships?” Khalva said pointing upward. “Those are my rivals. I am in  a competition. It’s be easier to win If I’m the only one alive.”

“Point taken, but what’s to stop me killing you?”

“We are kindred spirits, there would be no reason to have us kill each other, as we can still benefit each other.”

“...... Fine. Let’s go flesh bag.”

“Oh, and the names Khalva.”

“Whatever, flesh bag.”

“I make the best friends.”

So Khalva and CR 27 set off on a glorious new adventure.

“Wait, does this camera do narration as well? That’s so weird! Anyway as the camera says, the first day of the competition was pretty cool. I blew up stuff, messed up a bunch of ships, and got a robot uh… ally? Anyway I guess I better explain what the first clue was. “The lion prowls.”

Pretty short right? I can only assume this means the trial will take place either on a planet dominated by lions, or on a planet with lion-like people. If my basic universe geography training serves me well, I think the planet Lota is dominated by Lionmen. I seem to remember that Lionmen as a whole are a very morally upright people, whatever that means, so maybe I can use that to my advantage.

-Chapter 2

“So, are you ready for your audience with the king?”

“Of course. I’m still a little nervous though.”

“Eh, you shouldn’t be, its not like the king will change his mind, the real question is, are you willing to do what he asks?”

“The king is our rightful ruler, of course I will follow his commands.”

“A complete stick in the mud, as always. You know, it is possible that the king is WRONG about this one. I mean, don’t you think this is going a bit far?”

“I, like the king, will do what I think is best for our Nation.”

“But Kryznick’s race!? How is that practical! Why do we even need their so called reward!? Also, you are Blue, and the king is the king, you don’t know what he’s thinking.”

“You know just as well as anyone that our way of life is going extinct. There is no other way.”

“Fine, but be careful. Don’t get yourself killed.”

“Of course not.”

So Blue left for his audience with the king. He quickly found himself accepting the call to join Kryznick’s race. Everything went well up until just after the race started.

“What the heck just happened!?” The Captain yelled.

“It seems we’ve lost all power!” A soldier responded.

“How on earth did that happen!?”

“There was a bright light just a minute ago, was it some kind of bomb?” Blue asked.

“Regardless” The Captain stated “ We need get out of here. Turn on auxiliary power!”

“Auxilary power is on!”

“We’ll need to stop somewhere to fix the problem, where is the nearest planet?” The Captain asked.

“There is a moon close to here. It has some repair facilities as well.”

“Hmm… That could very easily be a trap, laid by the maker of this bomb.” The captain responded “Is there anything else?”

“There seems to be planet a ways past the moon, but there is little in the way of facilities.”

“It seems smartest to try and make repairs there.”

So they flew to the Planet, and made their repairs.

“It seems as though, the clue we recieved is hinting that we should head to Lota. The Lionmen have always had good relations with us, which may give us an advantage.”

After a relatively safe flight to the solar system of Lota, they soon encountered trouble.

“Wow!” Blue exclaimed, look at all the ships!”

“Damn, those repairs cost us too much time!” The captain yelled angrily”Get us on the ground as fast as possible.”

After quickly landing on the planet’s surface, they immediately began scouring for clues. Some left to meet government officials, others investigated rumors. Blue’s job, however, was to monitor other competitors to see what they might find.

“Why did I have to get this job?”Blue thought. He hated the idea of spying on other players. He thought that they should find what the clue meant on their own, not using other people’s discoveries. He assumed that he was only called to this position because his military training far exceeded the other soldiers.

Blue quickly realized that most of the contestants had no way of finding the meaning of the clue. Many set up gangs around the city, so they could steal possible clues. By far, the most feared of these groups were a league of bandits ruled by a man named Famtok. This stopped most contestants from going outside the city. It was from these facts that Blue created a theory. In this theory, the more important candidates to watch out for were the ones that purposefully left the city.Blue assumed that the only reason people would do this could be simplified into three things. A: The contestant has found a clue that leads out of the city, or at least has a hunch. B: The contestant wants to join Famtok. C: The contestant is ignorant to Famtok, or thinks he won’t be able to stop him. No matter the situation, Blue speculated, following that contestant will give me valuable information, either about the clue or about Famtok.

Of course in the great irony of the world, the first contestant Blue found leaving the city was Khalva.

“Target has brown hair, humanoid, is accompanied by a robot.” Blue records.

“Well, he can’t be thinking he is more powerful than Famtok, and the fact he is heading to an unpopulated region makes me think he is either following a clue or avoiding Famtok entirely. Ethier way, I’ll need to follow him longer to find out where he is going.” Blue thought.

Blue followed Khalva for the rest of the day always staying a moderate distance away. When night came and his targets set up came, Blue thought about looking through their possesions, but decided against it because of the robot probably staying active throughout the night.

The next day, Blue continued to follow Khalva until they eventually arrived at a suspicious looking cave.

"Hmm" Blue thought "I'm not sure if I'll be able to follow them in a dark cave without being noticed."

But as he was thinking that, many vehicles began swarming to their location. Blue was able to see them before Khalva did due to him being farther away from the cave. Blue, being the honorable man he considered himself to be, warned Khalva.

"Watch out!" Blue screamed.

Blue was just able to dodge a bullet Khalva fired by ducking behind cover.

"Of course he'd shoot me" Blue thought "yelling at him after following him. What was I thinking?."

"Who. The hell. Are you?" Khalva asked " I knew you were following me but I didn't think you would do something that stupid. "

Blue smacked his forehead.

" Neither did I. However, I thought you should know you're BEING SURROUNDED! " Blue replied.

Before anything else was said a large thundering laugh was heard.

" You know, I have to admit, you guys could do well as comedians. " A distant voice boomed.

" Who are you?" Khalva asked.

" Please tell me he actually knew about Famtok. " Blue pleaded to himself.

"I am Famtok. Consider this your death sentence." The booming voice declared.

" That's funny" Khalva replied " I actually already have a death sentence. Quite a few actually. "

" So I've been tracking a criminal. Fantastic." Blue thought to himself.

"Before I execute you most gracefully" Famtok boomed "Why have you come to this cave. Do you suppose the clue to wait inside?"

“Nah, I was just looking for a free place to stay.” Khalva replied.

“This is how I die. Following an idiot.” Blue thought.

“Excuse me, but I’m afraid I’ll have to check the cave for myself. Of course, in either situation, I can’t let you live. Please understand.” Famtok said sarcastically.

“And how do you plan on that exactly?” Khalva asked.

“Yup. I’m dead.” Blue thought “Totally dead.”

“Thank you for asking.” Famtok replied ”I plan on shooting your body full of a thousand holes.”

“I see an error with that theory, what if I already have an important clue? You can’t just damage that can you?” Khalva asked.

Both Famtok and Blue’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Show me.” Famtok commanded.

After hearing the command Khalva dramatically took a golden box out of his pocket and held it over his head.

“Hey, Famtok’s minions!” Khalva yelled “I’m giving the box to anyone who can bring me Famtok’s head!”

Everyone was silent. After a while the silence was eventually broken by Famtok.

“See? My men are too smart to be fooled by your little trick!” Famtok yelled triumphantly.

“So sure?” Khalva asked.

Blue was confused by Khalva’s actions. Why was he offering the clue so eagerly? Does he think they will actually take his offer?

His answer came quickly. All of Famtok’s men began to murmur. Then they turned to Famtok.

“You’ve got to be kidding!” Famtok exclaimed “Are you all so easily tricked?”

Famtok’s men began to attack their leader. Blue was completely enthralled by Famtoks motions. He began to slaughter his men. He was like an animal, carving into flash with his hands. Blue was filled with an unshakable fear. However, he wasn’t given long to watch.

“Yo.” Khalva called “Make yourself useful” He pointed to the cave with his gun, then he aimed it at Blue. “We clear?”

Blue was torn, but he eventually decided he had no choice.

“Fine” Blue replied "but answer me this. Why don't you get the clue yourself? Why are you having me do it?"

"That's simple. I have something better to do right now. Now get on with it." Khalva answered.

Blue was confused by this statement, but he followed Khalva's orders anyway. He went hesitantly into the cave.

Chapter 3

" CR 777 refrigerator thing, ready to go?" Khalva called.

"I swear I'm going to kill you someday." CR 27 responded.

"That's a yes. OK, let's head to Lota!"

" I guess this is a perfect time for another audio log! Did you miss me? No? How fitting of someone of your stature! So if you can't tell I'm heading to Lota. Blah blah exposition. Let's talk about my robot buddy. I'm sure you're curious. He's known as CR 27. He is somewhat of an old fashioned android, lacking any curves like modern ones. He looks kinda retro. He kinda hates all living things. Understandable, if you ask me. All things said, I'm hoping to collect a crew for this junker. Hopefully a cook. Space food sucks."

-I have decided to upload the rest as independent entries so it appears on the front page.