NOW THIS IS WHERE THE CONTENT IS! This is where I will post my beautiful, dazzling, phantasmagorical new stories!
First story: The Traveler
The Traveler arrived, with a small pack on his back. He was
at the luxurious gate of a new town, and it had only a handful of residents. As
he walked into town he was greeted by a farmer.
“Hey!” The Farmer cried happily “Our first visitor, How ya
doing?”
“Oh, I’m fine, I’m just passing through, but I think I’ll
rest for a little while here. How are you?” The Traveler responded.
“Oh, fine, fine. I’m just pulling out these strawberries to
plant these new turnips.” The Farmer stated happily.
“Oh, are the strawberries good?” The traveler asked
politely.
“Well, they aren’t quite ripe, but I just couldn’t wait to
plant these turnips!”
“That’s the farmer for you” The Father said whiningly “You
just can’t wait till it’s tasty, can you?”
“Aw, you complain about everything, just get over it.” The
Farmer replied.
“Hello” The Traveler said “Who are you?”
“I’m the husband and father of my family, speaking of which,
come on out here!” The Father said.
Out the door behind him came a woman, a boy, and a girl.
“Hi.” The Mother said nervously.
“This is my wife” the Father said “She’s a bit shy.”
“Hello” said the boy and the girl “Isn’t it a nice day?”
“These are my children, I have told them not to complain about
anything. Where is the dog and cat?”
“We’ll go get them.”
The children then left and shortly returned with a dog and
cat.
“ Honestly!” The Father said “You’re both holding each
other’s pets, switch this instant!”
The children sighed quietly and switched pets.
“My pet” Said The Daughter melancholically “Is a Cat. My
brother’s pet is very interesting as well.”
“I’m not too sure about that” The Son whispered, also very
sadly “Anyway, my pet is a dog. “
The Dog and Cat both seemed very happy.
“Anyway, it was nice meeting you, though I wish we had ripe
food to give you.” The father whined.
The Family went inside. The Traveler continued his walk,
until he was interrupted by two men on the street.
“Oh please, sir” The Poor man said”Can you spare any money
for a beggar?”
“But sir!” The Rich man exclaimed “He would spend it on
frivolities, give any excess you have to me, for I would save it wisely!”
“I am afraid that I have not much money to give, but I will
give you what I have” The Traveler said “I will give each of you one coin to
use however you like.”
“Thank you, sir” They both said.
The poor man did what the rich man said, and spent it on a
hat. The rich man however stored it in a large case full of such coins. The
traveler saw this and asked:
“Why have you begged for my money, when you have so much of
your own?”
“I’m saving it! I am a rich man because I save my money
wisely!”
“But you live in tattered clothes, and you look as if you
haven’t eaten in a fortnight.”
“That’s the thing” The Poor man said, sneeringly “He can’t
spend money on anything at all, he is obsessed with saving!”
“Better than spending all my money, I think.” The Rich man
replied.
“That’s something to think about” The traveler said, and he
continued walking.
He came up to a very Happy man.
“Hello!” The Happy man yelled “Would you like to help me
paint this house?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I won’t be here long.”
“It’s pointless anyways” A man said, whilst lying in garbage
“This world is horrible.”
“You could make the world a better place by helping me!” The
Happy man said to the sad man.
“I’m too sad to help” The Sad man said.
The Traveler kept walking along the road. He came up to a
man who was building a house.
“Hello, are you a new resident?” The Builder asked.
“No, I’m just visiting.”
“Aw, that’s too bad; I was hoping to build another house!”
“Who are you building this house for?”
“The farmer.”
“But doesn’t he already have a house?”
“Well, that one’s roof broke a little bit so I’m building
him a new one!”
“Couldn’t you just fix the roof?”
“Nah, I love my work too much to tamper with it when it’s
done, even to fix it!”
The traveler left after reaching the end of town, and went
back on the road onward.
One Year
later…
The Traveler arrived, with a medium sized pack on his back.
He was at the sturdy gate of a town, and it had only a handful of residents. As
he walked into town he was greeted by a farmer.
“Hey! Haven’t I seen you before?”
“Why, yes, I visited here about a year ago.”
“Oh, that’s right! Nice to see you again!”
“What are you planting?” The Traveler asked.
“I’m not. I’m just making sure I harvested everything before
I go to the new field by my house.”
“Oh, that’s right. The Builder said you were moving last
time.”
“I really wish he had just fixed my house though, oh well…”
“Where did that family that lived by here go?”
“Oh, them? They had to move because their front door broke.”
“They couldn’t just get a new door?”
“You know the Builder, right?” The Farmer sighed “He never
fixes anything he built because he always wants to build more.”
“That’s right. Anyway, see you.”
“See you.”
The Traveler walked down the town’s main road, though it was
now bumpy. He saw the same places he passed on the first visit, but now they
were abandoned. Once he got past the
original buildings, however, he found new buildings with people in them. He saw
the cat and dog running about.
“Oh, hello sir” The Poor man said “If it’s not too much
trouble, could you spare a dime?”
“Sure” The traveler replied kindly, and gave him a coin.
“Hello again” The Rich man said “Can you give me a coin too,
old friend?”
The Traveler gave him a coin, and he went and saved it
immediately. The poor man, however, went and bought some new shoes.
“You look very nice” The Traveler said to the Poor man.
“Why thank you, I try to look my best.”
“Fool” The Rich man grumbled “If you knew what you were
doing, you would save money like me.”
“Ha, and live with tattered clothes? I think not!”
“Both very interesting points” The Traveler remarked, and
walked away.
“Isn’t this a great day?” The happy man said as he walked up
to the Traveler “Would you like to help plant flowers?”
“I’m afraid I have little time.” The Traveler replied, and
walked on until he noticed a man lying down.
“Are you well?” The Traveler asked intently.
“Who is? This world is unwell, this town especially.” The
sad man moaned.
“What do you mean?”
“Though everyone seems happy enough, they all hate each
other deep down. It’s just getting worse.”
“That’s very sad” The traveler said “Why don’t you leave?”
“There’s no point. I will always be miserable no matter
where I go.”
After this, the Traveler walked on, until he was approached
by The Father.
“Can you believe the Builder?” He whined.
“What did he do?”
“He doesn’t want to fix my porch, so we have to move again!
This time we have to go to the very edge of town!”
The traveler sympathized with the man, but he just kept
complaining, after which he kept walking. He overheard The Mother talking to
her children.
“You’re both too shy” She said “You rarely talk to anyone!”
“We can’t complain- It’s hard to even agree with others
without complaining!” The children responded.
“Hey, no complaining!” Said The mother, obviously not
listening to the complaint at all “Go express yourselves!”
“Hello, am I interrupting something?” The traveler said as
he came into the house. The Mother didn’t say a word afterwards.
“Oh, no” Said The Daughter, thankful for the interruption
“You’re fine.”
After some chit chat with the children, The Traveler left
the house. He decided to turn back early and not visit the Builder, as not to
interrupt him from his work. It took him a much longer time to leave this time.
Five Years
later…
The Traveler arrived, with a large pack on his back. He was
at the crumbling gate of a town, and it had only a handful of residents. As he
walked into town he was greeted by no one.
He decided to walk on the road. The road was overgrown with grass,
making it difficult to tell where it was. He continued making it to the point
he had stopped last time. All the houses were abandoned here as well. He
continued for some ways until he reached some new buildings. The Farmer greeted
him.
“Hey, we haven’t had a visitor in a while! Oh, it’s you!
What brings you here again?” The Farmer asked, though now he seemed tired and
weary.
“Oh, I’m just here for the memories.”
“Want some carrots? They don’t taste great, but carrots are
carrots!”
“No thank you.” The Traveler said as he turned onward.
It had seemed to the traveler that he could not see very
well, as he was squinting at him fiercely. After a while of walking, the Father
came up to him.
“My family is entirely unbelievable!” The Father said,
without paying a bit of attention to the traveler.
“What has happened?” The Traveler asked patiently.
“My children go on and on about switching pets and their
mother does nothing to stop them!”
“That’s too bad.” The Traveler said, noting the use of the
term “their mother” instead of “my wife”.
“I had left the house to get away from it all.”
“Oh yes, how is your new house?”
“The plumbing broke, so I had to move again” The Father said
angrily “That fool of builder!”
The traveler knew nothing else would come from conversation,
and left without a word. He walked for only a short while, before he was
approached by the two beggars.
“Quick, before that fool says anything, spares me a coin!”
The two men said almost simultaneously.
The Traveler was taken aback by their rudeness, but he gave
them each a coin.
“Why was it necessary to give him a coin?” They both asked,
referring to each other.
The traveler continued as if he had not heard the question.
Before long the happy man, busy at work, called out to him.
“Help me with this, will ya?” The Happy man asked, though he
didn’t look particularly happy today.
“Sure.” The traveler said pleasantly.
“Thanks. You know, no one else here will help me.”
His mood brightened a bit.
“That’s only because it’s pointless” The Sad man said, from
behind a bush.
The happy man became very angry, as did the sad man. They
refused to talk at all afterwards. The Traveler walked still on. The dog and
cat were playing. They both seemed quite happy and content. The two children
stood nearby arguing with each other.
“It’s your fault dad won’t let us switch.” The Son said. The
Daughter was about to reply when the traveler interrupted.
“Hello, how are you?” The traveler asked, already full aware
of the answer.
“Very good, thanks” The children said, almost robotically.
The Traveler knew they would tell him nothing, and walked on
after bowing slightly. The Mother was nowhere to be seen, probably busy in the
house. The traveler decided to look for the Builder.
“Hello” The traveler called out to the Builder.
“Oh hello”
“How is the building going?”
“Well, if it wasn’t for everyone else complaining about it.
I love to build, so what else matters?”
“That is an interesting point” The traveler said, and then
set off to leave the town.
Ten Years
later…
The Traveler arrived, with a huge pack on his back, almost
larger than him. He was at the non-existent gate of a town, and it had only a
handful of residents, or so he believed. As he walked into town he was greeted
by no one. He decided to walk on the
road. The road was overgrown with grass, making it difficult to tell where it
was. He continued making it to the point he had stopped last time. All the
houses were abandoned here as well. He continued for some ways until he reached
the edge of town.
“Where have they all gone to?” The traveler asked.
He turned back. He looked around where they had been last
time. He found by a dilapidated house, the dog and the cat.
“Hello, do you know what has happened” The Traveler asked
the animals.
“To an extent” The cat responded.
“We know all that we saw, and that is the extent of our
knowledge.” The dog said.
Both animals were quite old, at least sixteen years of age,
and spoke in a weak voice.
After you had left, everything continued to worsen”
“It was continuous, nothing had truly changed.”
“They continued in their pride, and their hate grew.”
“All hated all. None loved none.”
“There was so much hate. You should have seen it.”
“In a way I did” The traveler interjected.
“Yes, I suppose you did. It was all there from the
beginning.”
“They were blind, seeing nothing but themselves. Anything
but that was darkness.”
“The town was not without charms, though, in what other
place would a rich man live worse than a poor man?”
“And a farmer would give away his crops freely?”
“The hate, however, consumed them. It was slow, yet sudden.”
“Before anything could be said, they vanished.”
“It was the hate. I’m sure of it. They went to the place where
the hateful must go.”
“Now, there is nothing. Emptiness is better than hate.”
“What will you do now? Will you leave?” The traveler asked.
“We are old, we cannot leave. It is too far. The world is
too far away.”
“This place is better than it has ever been, we are happy.”
“Perhaps when we die, we will meet our owners, and will be
loved.”
“If not by them, then by their sibling.”
“I shall remember this place” The traveler said. He reached
up to his forehead, and brought forth a sphere of light. He kissed the sphere,
though it was not known if the sphere was a solid entity or not. He put the
sphere into his pack, and it grew just a little bit bigger, as if by magic.
The End
Second story: Randomness!
In conclusion, money cannot buy happiness, as if you didn’t
already know that. On the up side money can buy: a large soda, a pony, a
shallow and meaningless existence, and awnings. Once you are a pony- riding,
awning-wearing knight of supreme awesomeness, you can beat your friends in
ping-pong, and hopefully that will bring you happiness, maybe, but probably
not, because you’re friends might think you’re a jerk and pelt you with
chickens, and then you will realize the store gave you a medium soda instead of
a large, then your life will be over, boo hoo. And no, I am not crazy. That’s
just what the aliens want you to think. Awnings Are Awesome, good bye.
Third story: THE AWESOMEST STORY EVER
When the Awning knights rode to the terrace on their horses
of supreme awesomeness, they were surprised that there were zero large sodas.
They went to talk to the owner of the establishment.
“Good sir, I see that you have no large sodas, were you
robbed, or are you a chicken?”
“I was robbed by the Sunshade Templar, and no I am not a
chicken. Was that question releva-“
“Curse them for having a cooler name than us! Knights, we
ride off to the Sunshade base.”
So they rode to the Sunshade base, after taking a break so
that their horses could go to the bathroom in a gas station, as they are very
squeamish about privacy. When they arrived at the base, they saw that there
were 255 large sodas, and they weren’t even being kept refrigerated! Nauseas at
the sight of unrefrigerated large sodas, they had to go back to the gas
station, as their horses were Squamish about vomiting. They just walked back to
the base after that. So when they arrived at the base again, they knew they had
little time before the large sodas lost their fizz.
“Put our spare AWNINGS over the large sodas!”(AWNINGS don’t
stand for anything; he just said it like that.)
“I can’t let you do that, Fox!”
In swooped the sunshade templar, ready to protect their
sodas.
“My name isn’t fox!” said Mr. Not-Fox
“Shut up!” said a templar.
“Anyway, we are saving your sodas with shade!”
“What? WE are the SUNSHADE templar! We make the SHADE here!”
“Never!!!!”
“Seriously? Only I have the brains to rule Lylat!”
“That phrase makes no sense in that context!”
“Why are shouting, we are only two feet from each other!!!”
“You stole those sodas! I too do not know why we are
shouting!”
“Stole? That guy was a chicken!”
“I knew it!”
And everybody died. Except for me, you know why?
Because as they train came along, I had my seat set to the
upright position!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ha
Ha
Haaaa
No seriously though, they resolved their differences and
agreed to buy some less squeamish horses.
But that is BORING! Giant Fireball of DEATH! YAY!
Cup.
CHEEPTER TOO
Coriander, the schitzophrenic, was a rather odd egg.
However, despite his oddness, he inspired many because of his Bravery. And
COWARDICE. Not so much cowardice, but whatever.
Coriander’s brave side wanted to explore the wilderness, so
he left his home in search for adventure. Then he decided to turn back to home.
But then he turned around for adventure, etc, etc. Eventually he just got lost.
He stuck in somewhat of a conundrum, as he literally could not decide on a plan
of action before changing his mind. So he was stuck there, until a bear came
along.
“Hello” Said the Bear “I’m going to eat you. Yum.”
“you dare challenge me” Said Coriander “I am the toughest
egg in the land!”
“Please, kind sir, do not hurt me, I beg of you.” Said
Corainder.
“You don’t want
me to hurt you? But you seemed so ready to fight.” The Bear noted
“Of course I want to fight! Bring it on!”
“Ok then. Yeesh.” The bear responded.
The bear wound up for a punch.
“Oh no no no no!” cried Coriander “Please stop!”
“You are strange, you know that?” The bear said “One minute,
you are reckless, the other you are a coward. You need a therapist.”
“A COWARD! How dare you call me that!”
Corainder promptly whopped him one, right in the nose.
“OW!” The bear yelled.
The baer went and punched a hole right in the egg. The bear lived happily ever after.
CHEEPTER TRACE
When Gale walked into the room he heard a voice.
“Hey. Hey you”
“hello?” Gale called out.
“Hello. My name is Alejandro.”
“Where are you?”
“I am the toaster.”
“WHAT?”
“I am the toaster. Put your hand in me.”
“What? No.”
Cme on. You know you want to.”
No, man, no.”
“Come on.”
Are you gonna heat up when I put my hand in there?”
“Of course not.”
Gate went and put his hand in the toaster, which he found to
be burning hot.
“WHAT THE? YOU, YOU LIED TO ME?” Gale screamed “My hand is
stuck too!”
“Exactly. My plan is complete.”
“What plan? WHY?
And I’m bored now, so onto the nest story!
It all started in a
disco club south of the 49…
There I was boogieing, not a care in the world. Or that is,
until SHE came in the door. A sheer beauty at 1455 pounds, she could hit mach 5
and had 4 torpedo attachments. I knew
what I must do, I was gonna ride that mech.
I went up to the mech and called to the driver “Hey nice
mech, where did you get it from?”
“None of your business” the driver called back.
It was late, and I was angry and tired. I slashed both of
his legs with my laser sword.
CHEETERCHAYCHAY ALFALFA
AHEM
AHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM
AHEM
(no that's really all this chapter is)
CHACHAHA
In the beginning there was AWNING. And then the awning was all like "I gonna make sometang". SO he made some Tang. It was delicious. And yes, Tang existed too, I just didn't mention it. And then the awning was all like "Tang is good." And he Beheld that it was good. Because it was. And thus it was good. And then the awning was all like "I need some chickens". SO he made some chickens. And he baheld that hey were chickens. And thus chickens and awnings are mortal enzymes. Or enemies. Your pick. And remember, You can pick your friends, and you can pick your awning, but you can't pick an awnings nose. Because they don't have any. Because they're awnings. You really should have known that by now. Come on guys. And then the Awning was all like "I am bored with this this Tang". So he created LARGE SODAS. AND HE SAW THAT THEY WERE AWESOME.
