Random Adventure

So, as our two heroes were traveling to punch YOU in the face, they stopped for no reason, to have pointless exposition.

“Hey, I think I should become a pokemon. What do you think?” Daniel asked.

“LET IT RIP!” David yelled.

And with that, David launched a spinning a top at high speed into the rear of daniel’s cranium.

“Um, ow. ALSO THAT’S THE WRONG FRANCHISE.” Daniel yelled.

“But, now you can be a pokemon! How about TOPMON?” David asked.

“That’s a digimon style name. Also there is already a top pokemon. So no.” Daniel replied

“How about IMPALEDMON?” David asked.

“Hey that sounds a lot better! But it’s still too long…” Daniel said.

“I know how about PALEMON?” David asked.

“I set myself up for that.” Daniel replied solemnly.

So PALEMAN and David set off towards new york, Iowa.

“MON!” Daniel yelled at the sky.

“ So, what are you looking forward to in NY?” David asked.

“Getting this top out of my skull. Also eating food. Food is good.” Daniel replied.

And just then, Daniel gained the ability to read minds. He also became a plate. And spaghetti. And the spaghetti was on the plate. Go with it.

“Ooh, spaghetti!” David exclaimed.

“I’m not sure if that would be fatal, but no. Also, even if you pretend to agree, I can read your mind now.” Daniel stated.

“Oh yeah? HOW ABOUT THIS?” David asked.

Just then, Daniel thought/saw a banana.

“Hi I am a banana” The banana thought/said.

The banana then grew arms and legs. The banana also started to dance. It tried to do the worm, but since it was a banana it just sort of rocked back and forth.

“My spaghetti hurts.” Daniel commented.

“You missed the perfect chance to say “I’ve lost my noodles” I am no longer your friend.” David replied.

“I don’t think that is a phrase, also the banana stopped moving. I think it died.” Daniel stated.

“I have a short attention span.” David replied.

And with that, came a swarm weiner dogs riding skateboards very very badly, most likely due to them not having long enough legs to actually push the ground.

“I am a weiner dog.” A wiener dog said.

“I am a PALEMON.” Daniel replied.

“I am hungry.” David replied.

And with that the weiner dog became a cube of cheese. A weiner dog sized cube. The other wiener dogs remained weiner dogs.

“This power is a curse.” Daniel stated.

“You have killed our leader.” The other dogs declared in unison “Now we must nibble on your ankles, as is tradition.”

Then they all also became cheese.

“I am really hungry” David stated.

“I am really bleeding out of my noodle. Oh wait. I think that’s sauce.” Daniel replied

“No, I think that’s real blood. Also I think you are now are dirty rat.” David replied.

“Yeesh, quit the insults already. I’m a gerbil. Also, no. You can’t eat me.” Daniel said.

It was at this moment that lightning struck right at the center of PALEMON’s top, lighting it on fire.

“This counts as animal abuse now. Also, it’s a clear day.” Daniel said

“I am glad you told me this, as I have no eyes.” David replied.

The David wandering weirdos of wendigo wares wielding fell into a well.

“Alliteration is my favorite form of stupidity.” Daniel said.

“Not drowning is my favorite form of not being in a well.” David replied.

Then they both died.

BUT OUT OF THE WELL THEIR GHOSTS FLEW, and they made it to las vegas, mongolia.

“Mongolian gambling is my favorite afterlife pastime.” Daniel stated.

BUT THEN, a large sign post fell over. THis had no impact on the story, I just thought you might want to know.

“I CAN SEE!” David exclaimed.

“You could always see. You have an all seeing femur.” Daniel replied.

“Yes, but now I can see through my flesh! Also, how did you know about my all seeing femur?” David asked.

“I was spaghetti.” Daniel replied.

The ghost of the banana also appeared. He was apparently there the whole time.

‘BUT IF YOU’RE HERE, THEN-”

“Hello, fools” The legion of cheese cubed weiner dogs decreed.

“Huh. I am still hungry.” David said.

“Your thoughts have ghosts. WAIT I STILL HAVE A TOP IN MY HEAD! I WILL NEVER BE FREE!” Daniel screamed in agony.

AND THEN, SPACE.

Nothing happened in space. Just thought you’d want to know.

BUT THEN THE FOURTH WALL CAME THROUGH THE 7th WINDOW!

“Hey guys” The 4th wall said.

“Hey.” The two said, while getting  nibbled alive(dead?) by sentient cheese.

“Can you guys stop messing with me?” The 4th wall asked.

A wrecking ball appeared.

‘Wait, can you still make things as a ghost?” Daniel asked.

“Yes.” David replied.

“Oh. Well then maybe you should think up a better stor-” Daniel replied.

And then a bird flew into the 4th wall and shattered it to pieces.

“I am useless” The wrecking ball said.

“I am a gerbil.” Daniel replied “A gerbil named PALEMON.”

“Oh, that DOES make me feel better! Thanks, mister!” The wrecking ball exclaimed.

And then the wrecking ball lived a happy life, until pDavid forgot it existed and it became a ghost.

Throughout all of this, imagine a ghost banana still trying to do the worm. Or, if you prefer, a ghost worm trying to do the banana. This is meant to distract you from the fact that I just created a character then killed it off for no reason other than a completely pointless segment.

Do you hear cries of pain?” Daniel asked “I think it’s coming from that pile of pebbles over there.”

“No. this is a book. Also you are a cat now.” David replied.

“Yeesh, it just got louder. Also, this is an improvement.”

“Yes, now I can enter you into the worcestershire dog show!” David exclaimed.

“That’s a sauce used in cooking, also I’m a cat. Also no.” Daniel replied x3.

And yet, here they were at the wostencestinghamsandwich dog show.

“So how are we going to win?” Daniel asked.

“By teaching you the 4 essential steps.

Step 1: Be a dog. We’ll figure that one out later. Only losers do things in order.

Step 2: Have strange objects imbedded in your body. I think we’re lacking on this one, but we’ll make do.

Step 3: Have a really snooty name. What could be more snooty thant PALEMON?

Step 4: Kill off all the other contestants. I think I’ll leave that one to you.” David explianed.

“I’m on fire.” Daniel said.

“That's the spirit!” David replied.

“No. I think someone is cooking me on a grill with worcestershire sauce. This is a grilling competition. You fool.” Daniel stated.

“TIME FOR STEP FOUR THEN!” David yelled.

Player David then grabbed PALEMON and used him as a molotov cocktail, injuring no one, because he’s a cat, and also because he threw him at a pile of dirt.

“Ow.” The fourth wall replied “That hurts.”

And then a tractor came and dumped the pile of dirt, along with daniel, into a lake.

“Did I win?” Daniel asked.

“You won in my heart.” David replied.

And just then Daniel was transported inside David’s heart, causing him to wake up.

“Huh? I’m still in the well. I’m alive???” David asked.

However, he promptly died, because he had Daniel inside of his heart. HOWEVER HOWEVER CHICKEN LEVER Daniel was able to claw his way out of player David’s corpse.

“I am still in a well. Oh.” Daniel said.

Then he died. For reals this time. I think. Do you hear a pile of sand at the bottom of lake crying? No? Just me? Ok then.